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Triggers and Crossroads...

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Either I am all in or all out.  After last night, I believe I have come to a crossroads in life. I keep putting Jesus on the cross because of triggers and fears.  It just does not seem fair, natural, or realistic at this point in my life.  Why does it feel like God is punishing me for living right?  I know that is not true. But my heart feels as such.  I prayed and fasted countless times but as much as I received breakthrough and clarity about my love life, I also felt more frustration and even anger.  Not really angry at God, but more so, the way that society is set up these days.  But last night, I was triggered. From listening to my small group leader telling me that “God wants to be my everything.” to having a conversation with a close friend about the disappoints of dating during a pandemic.  Only in between, reactivating my Facebook dating app to swipe left to the whole batch of matches AND reading in a Facebook Christian dating group of a brother who blatantly lied to trillions
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Is There Anywhere to Hide?

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So, there is this thing that I am learning as a developing therapist. It is the art and power of avoidance. During my last year in graduate school, I interned at the Department of Veteran Affairs. I had the brief privilege of walking brave men and women through their journey of healing from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Due to their sworn oath of silence and loyalty to our nation and service, they had to withhold painful memories. These memories, unfortunately, were disruptive for many years during and after their respected time of service. The sad thing about it, many years after serving in the military, well decades later, the secrets of what these servicemen and women endure still haunted their memories. Some of the stories were just chilling and heartbreaking. Although their actions were justifiable, they did not allow their souls to be at peace. Fortunately for them, they met with seasoned clinicians like my mentor and veteran lovingly called Yoda (by me), who was there t
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So, What is That Cringe about, Sis?

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                                                                                              Photo credit: @bigshotscott                                              When you hear the phrase, happy holidays, what thoughts come to mind? What is your initial reaction? Do you automatically respond without thinking about it? Do you automatically cheer up at the sound of the words? Or do you cringe while being reminded of the various pain this year alone has bestowed upon you or someone you love? Well, 2020 has presented its own set of heartbreaks. For me, the death of my sweet cousin due to COVID-19. She was only 36, like me at the time. I miss my Sha Sha. 2020 proved to be a year of great triumph and perseverance for me as well. I graduated with my second master's degree (with honors), started a new career and job (of my dreams). These blessings occurred during the pandemic. Ironically enough, despite my accomplishments, I still faced so much shame for being at this place in my lif
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