Triggers and Crossroads...
Either I am all in or all out. After last night, I believe I have come to a crossroads in life. I keep putting Jesus on the cross because of triggers and fears. It just does not seem fair, natural, or realistic at this point in my life. Why does it feel like God is punishing me for living right? I know that is not true. But my heart feels as such. I prayed and fasted countless times but as much as I received breakthrough and clarity about my love life, I also felt more frustration and even anger. Not really angry at God, but more so, the way that society is set up these days. But last night, I was triggered. From listening to my small group leader telling me that “God wants to be my everything.” to having a conversation with a close friend about the disappoints of dating during a pandemic. Only in between, reactivating my Facebook dating app to swipe left to the whole batch of matches AND reading in a Facebook Christian dating group of a brother who blatantly lied to trillions